How to interview someone you know: friends, former colleagues and referrals
On this page
- Which relationships need disclosure, and which need you to step aside?
- How do you disclose the relationship?
- How do you keep the interview the same as everyone else's?
- What prior knowledge can you use, and what must you leave out?
- Should you give a reference for someone you also interview?
- How do you stay fair to the other candidates?
- What if the person you know does not get the job?
- A checklist for interviewing someone you know
- Questions people ask
To interview someone you know fairly, disclose the relationship to the recruiter or HR before the interview and let someone else decide whether you step aside, interview alongside a neutral colleague, or act only as a reference. Relatives, partners, close friends and anyone you share money with: step aside. Former colleagues, acquaintances and people you referred: disclose, add a neutral interviewer, ask exactly the same questions as everyone else and score only what the candidate says in the interview. What you know about their past work is reference evidence, recorded separately; what you know about their health, family or religion is never evidence.
This page covers friends, former colleagues and acquaintances, usually arriving as referrals. If the candidate already works for you, see interviewing internal candidates, which covers conflicts inside a company. Nothing here is legal advice.
Which relationships need disclosure, and which need you to step aside?
The useful question is the one U.S. federal ethics rules ask executive-branch employees: would a reasonable person who knew the relevant facts question your impartiality? The rule at 5 CFR 2635.502 (as of October 2026) applies to federal employees, not private companies, but its test travels well. One of its examples involves an employee whose lifelong best friend runs the division presenting a product the employee is testing. There is no formal covered relationship, yet the rule's example concludes that a reasonable person would question the employee's impartiality.
| Relationship | Main risk | Default |
|---|---|---|
| Relative, partner, member of your household | Favoritism, and the appearance of it | Step aside entirely; check the nepotism policy |
| Close friend | Favoritism you cannot see in yourself | Step aside; a colleague interviews |
| Business partner, investor, anyone you share money with | Financial interest in the outcome | Step aside |
| Former manager or former direct report | Halo or horns from years of history | Disclose; a neutral co-interviewer scores too; your history goes in as a reference |
| Former peer colleague | Rating the person you remember, not the answers | Disclose; neutral co-interviewer; same kit |
| Someone you clashed with | The bias runs against them | Disclose; usually step aside |
| Acquaintance, same school, friend of a friend | Small, but candidates and colleagues notice | Disclose; interview with the normal structure |
| Someone you referred | You have a stake in being right, and possibly a bonus | Disclose, including any referral bonus |
For relatives in the U.S. federal service there is a statute, not a judgment call: 5 U.S.C. 3110 says a public official may not appoint, employ, promote or advocate for a relative in their own agency. Private employers write their own rules, usually in a nepotism policy; if yours does not cover close friendships, the table above is a reasonable default.
How do you disclose the relationship?
Disclose in writing, before the interview, to the person who owns the process, usually the recruiter. Keep it factual and let them decide.
To: [Recruiter] Re: [Candidate], [Role]
I know [candidate]. We [worked together at X from 2021 to 2023;
I was not their manager / I managed them for 18 months / we are
friends outside work and see each other most months]. I [referred
them / did not refer them] [and would receive a referral bonus].
I'm happy to [step aside / interview alongside a colleague who
doesn't know them / give a reference instead]. Your call.Put the disclosure in the hiring file, so the decision-maker sees it next to your scores. If a committee makes the final call, the hiring committee packet template includes a check that reviewers' own conflicts have been cleared. Disclosure is about the relationship, not your opinion: do not add "and they're excellent".
How do you keep the interview the same as everyone else's?
The temptation with someone you know is to skip things: "I know you've run budgets, so let's move on." Every skipped question is a competency the other candidates had to prove and this one did not. Keep to the kit.
- Same questions, same order, same time, including the hard ones. OPM's structured interview guide (September 2008) asks for the same amount of interview time for every candidate.
- Say why at the start, so the candidate does not hear formality as coldness.
- Probe to the same depth. If you would ask a stranger "what did you personally do?", ask your former colleague too, even though you think you know.
- Score only what was said in the room, against the same anchors. If you know a better example than the one they gave, you cannot score the one they did not give.
- Submit before the debrief, independently of the neutral co-interviewer. See independent interview feedback before the debrief.
"Before we start: as you know, we've worked together, and I've told
[recruiter] that. To keep this fair to everyone, I'll ask you exactly
the same questions as the other candidates and I'll score only what you
tell me today. So please answer as if we'd never met, with the detail
you'd give a stranger. [Colleague] will be scoring as well."If your score and the neutral interviewer's differ by more than a point on the same competency, look at the evidence each of you wrote down before anyone decides which is right.
What prior knowledge can you use, and what must you leave out?
| What you know | Use it? | How |
|---|---|---|
| First-hand, job-related work you saw them do | Yes, as reference information | Write it separately from the scorecard: the project, dates, what they did, what you observed. Label it as your prior knowledge. |
| Their reputation, or what others told you | No | If it matters, the recruiter checks it through formal references. |
| Health, disability, pregnancy or family plans, religion, age | Never | Leave it out of notes, scores and conversation. |
| Things told in confidence, such as their current pay or job search | Not without permission | Ask them what they are comfortable sharing in the process. |
| A past conflict with them | Disclose, do not score | Usually a reason to step aside. |
The third row is not only a courtesy. The EEOC's page on prohibited employment practices (checked October 2026) says it is illegal to discriminate against an applicant because of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age 40 or older, disability or genetic information, and that employers are explicitly prohibited from making pre-offer inquiries about disability. Knowing something from a friendship does not make it usable.
Should you give a reference for someone you also interview?
Pick one role. If you are the person who knows their work best, that knowledge is most useful as a structured reference, given to the recruiter with the same questions any referee would get, while a colleague does the interview. Being both the referee and an interviewer counts your view twice. The reference check template has the questions; formal references from people who are not on the panel should still be collected.
How do you stay fair to the other candidates?
- No head start. Do not share the questions, the scorecard or the competition before the interview. Whatever preparation information the recruiter sends to candidates goes to everyone.
- No shortcut through the stages. A referral can earn a first conversation; it should not replace the screen or a round.
- Watch where referrals come from. The EEOC's compliance manual on race and color discrimination (April 2006) notes that word-of-mouth recruiting in a non-diverse workforce is a barrier to equal opportunity if it does not produce applicant pools that reflect the qualified labor market. If most of a team's hires are people someone already knew, look at the sourcing mix, not only at individual decisions. See the employee referral program template.
- Let the record show the safeguards. The disclosure, who scored, and both scorecards belong in the file. If the person you know is hired, the other candidates' interviews should show they had the same chance.
What if the person you know does not get the job?
The recruiter tells them, using the normal process and wording, not you over coffee. Do not share the debrief or other interviewers' views, even informally; that is confidential, and it puts your colleagues in an awkward position. If you stay friends, it is fine to say you were not involved in the final call if that is true, and leave it there. When the candidate is an internal colleague, the conversation in how to tell an internal candidate they did not get the job applies.
A checklist for interviewing someone you know
BEFORE
[ ] Disclosed in writing to [recruiter/HR]: how I know them, how
close, last worked together, referral and any bonus
[ ] Decision recorded: step aside / interview with neutral
co-interviewer / reference only
[ ] Nothing shared with the candidate that others did not get
DURING
[ ] Opened with the fairness statement
[ ] Asked every question in the kit, same order, same time
[ ] Probed to the same depth as for anyone else
AFTER
[ ] Scored only what was said today, against the anchors
[ ] Wrote prior work knowledge separately, labelled as such
[ ] Left out anything personal I know from outside work
[ ] Submitted before reading the neutral interviewer's scores
[ ] Recruiter, not me, communicates the outcomeQuestions people ask
Can I interview a friend for a job at my company?
If the friendship is close, it is better to step aside and let a colleague interview them, because others will reasonably question your impartiality whatever you decide. For acquaintances and former colleagues, you can usually interview them if you disclose the relationship first, add a neutral co-interviewer, and use the same questions and scoring anchors as for every other candidate.
Should I tell HR or the recruiter that I know a candidate?
Yes, before the interview and in writing. Say how you know the person, how close you are, when you last worked together, and whether you referred them or stand to receive a referral bonus. Then let the recruiter or HR decide whether you interview, interview with someone neutral, or step aside.
Can I use what I already know about a former colleague when scoring them?
Score the interview only on what the candidate said in it, against the same anchors as everyone else. Your first-hand knowledge of their work can still be useful, but record it separately as reference information, with specific examples and dates, so the decision-maker can weigh it openly. Personal information you know socially, such as health, family plans or religion, must never be used.
Is hiring a friend nepotism?
Nepotism usually means favoring relatives, and many company policies extend it to partners and close personal relationships. For U.S. federal officials, 5 U.S.C. 3110 bars appointing or advocating for relatives. Private employers set their own rules, so check your company's policy; a written nepotism policy is the clearest place to define who must step aside.